This post shows you 11 Things You Need to Talk About Before Having a Baby. I’ve included so many different topics, each of which requires some deep and heartfelt talks, but I can guarantee that having these conversations will make you ready for parenthood!
Some conversations will be deep and emotional, and others will be practical and eye-opening, but every single one is essential.
This list will guide you through everything you need to talk about before your baby arrives, helping you and your partner prepare for this life-changing journey together.
1 How Will We Parent?
Before your baby even arrives, you and your partner already have parenting styles. They’re shaped by how you were raised, what you value, and what you’ve seen in the world.
If you don’t talk about these things now, you might find yourselves arguing over discipline, schooling, and bedtime routines later.
Wondering where to start? Here are the Must-Have Conversations to Have Before the Baby Comes.
On top of discussing how you’ll parent, you need to decide how you’re going to lead by example and model the behaviour you want to see in your child!
We’re talking about showing how to deal with emotions, teaching them what happiness really means to you, and most importantly, how to model kindness and be a good person.
The main reason I linked the article above and why I’m bringing this up is because we live in really difficult times where it feels like we’re pulled between two opposite sets of values.
On one side, there’s the “survival of the toughest” mindset, where it seems like you have to be strong, tough, and show no mercy to make it. You’re expected to be smart, but in a cunning, game-playing way, and to never show vulnerability.
On the other side, we know that to truly grow and build meaningful relationships, you need to be open and vulnerable. You have to allow yourself to feel and process emotions and show kindness to those around you so you can build a supportive, meaningful life.
Talk about these things before the baby comes. Trust me, you want to be on the same page, because the world out there will challenge you both.
2 How Will Our Lifestyle Change?
No more spontaneous weekend getaways, lazy Sunday mornings, or coming home to a quiet house. Having a baby means your daily life will change in ways you never imagined.
This shift was way harder than we thought—here’s what caught us off guard. Here are 12 major lifestyle changes no one warns you about.
What I loved about preparing for our lifestyle change was the time we had to plan.
We didn’t let anything catch us off guard, and we really wanted to enjoy our newborn bubble without FOMO and without feeling like we’re sacrificing anything!
My husband and I also prepared for a huge shift from thriving in the workplace goals to just doing our jobs with responsibility, but allowing ourselves not to be available in the after-hours.
If you check the article from above, you’ll find my useful tips on how to prepare for a lifestyle change but still prioritize self-care and fitness, as well as having a (new) social life.
3 What Should We Do Before We Even Start Trying?
Before you even take that first step toward having a baby, there are things you’ll wish you had done first. Whether it’s career goals, financial security, or simply enjoying life as a couple, now is the time.
Get your life in order, including:
- your work and your maternity leave
- ask for more time, more flexibility, working from home
- several years before you have a baby, you need to plan your finances, investments, and find a new job (if you hate the current one)
- take some time to get to know each other
- talk about your fears, secrets, goals, and future
- see the world
- explore your city, neighborhood or new neighborhoods so you can find the best place to live
- invest in your education, your passion projects, your side hustles ,and learn new skills
Then you need to get healthy and fit because your kids need you!
Not sure if you’re ready? Here’s what to do before you start trying for a baby.
4 What If We Regret Not Talking About Something?
Some conversations seem small at the moment, but they become huge deal-breakers later. What if you never talked about religion?
What if you disagreed on emotional regulation or totally overlooked your mental health?
What if you still carry some old resentment from years ago that can blow up between the two of you?
Have you talked about how you’re gonna set healthy boundaries with the extended family?
Or, how are you going to continue working on your relationship once the baby comes?
There are so many things to talk about…
One tiny thing we forgot to discuss almost changed everything—make sure you don’t skip this. (It was #18 – and missing out on setting expectations on socialization… when introvert and extrovert make a baby…)
5 What Should I Ask My Husband Before We Have a Baby?
You might think you know everything about your partner, but do you really? Have you talked about what he wants to do differently from his dad? What he loved (or hated) about his childhood?
When it comes to having a baby, there’s this huge emphasis on women.
It’s like moms do all the work, and we do all the work to become moms.
But what about dads?
Dads go through huge transformations, too, and the more you talk about it before having a baby, the easier it will be later. And I can guarantee you, you’re gonna be so proud of your husband and all the work you did together!
These 40 questions will change the way you look at your husband’s journey into fatherhood.
6 How Can We Support Moms?
Bringing a baby into your marriage is both beautiful and challenging. But the couples who prepare stay connected, even through the hardest days.
We have 9 months of carrying the baby, medical appointments, labor, mental and physical load, and giving birth.
Then we have all the warnings about baby blues, postpartum depression, and anxiety… but what do we actually do to help moms feel good?
Sure, we can come and help with the dishes while she has a shower, but do we remember to tell them that they are doing great?
Do we remember to tell them that they are already doing enough by keeping the baby alive?
Can we not judge them if they do things differently?
Can we support them with a few words of kindness?
When everything feels overwhelming, this is the reminder you need. It’s all about reassurance – here are 50 positive messages for the mom-to-be.
7 What Gender Roles Do We Need to Unlearn?
Parenting isn’t 1950 anymore, but somehow, old-school expectations still creep in. Are you accidentally expecting Mom to handle everything while Dad just ‘helps’?
If you don’t talk about this now, these outdated gender roles will sneak into your parenting.
Don’t skip these 17 Outdated Gender Roles in Parenting and get tips on what to do instead.
You won’t have the luxury of fixing things later on if you mess them up!
8 How Will We Balance Work & Parenting?
Will you both work? Will one of you stay home? How will you handle childcare? These aren’t just little details. They’re the decisions that shape your entire family’s future.
Honestly, when it comes to having a baby, work and money are the most frustrating things that you need to figure out.
Our system wasn’t built to support families, and no matter how pro-life everyone claims they are, going back to work after several weeks of (mostly unpaid) maternity leave is not how things should be.
In some countries in Europe, there are 12 months of paid maternity leave. This should be the norm.
But when it’s not… You need to figure it out.
We almost burned out before we figured this out—here’s what worked. Here are 10 game-changing work-life balance tips for new parents.
9 How Do I Keep My Identity as a Mom?
Motherhood is transformative, but it doesn’t have to mean losing yourself. You can be a devoted mom and still be YOU. But it takes intention.
I don’t know if you’d believe me if I told you that it took me years of fence-sitting to figure this one out. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, a fence sitter is someone who’s on the fence about whether or not they should have a baby.
So I didn’t always know that I wanted to be a mom. That idea was quite foreign to me for a while. I always knew that my husband and my dog are my family and that my new family is the most important thing in my life.
But I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle my career, my identity, and everything I had. I really thought that you had to give everything up to become a mom.
I didn’t have too many positive examples, as all new parents were mostly “just you wait to have your life ruined”.
That’s why I made Pre-Baby Talk. I really wanted to encourage people to do proper soul-searching and to work on their relationships and dreams before they have a baby.
If you’re scared of losing yourself, these 12 tips will help. Get my special guide on Ways to Hold On to Your Identity While Embracing Motherhood!
Mom guilt is real, but this is how I finally let it go.
10 Are We Really Ready for Kids?
The truth is, being ready for a baby isn’t just about loving kids. Are you ready for less me-time? Have you thought about raising a teenager, not just a cute baby?
Still unsure? Here’s how to know if you’re REALLY ready for kids. (And why tip #6 is the most important! This one realization changed everything for me, read it before you decide.)
11 What Are Our Parenting Priorities?
You’ll be making a million tiny decisions every day about feeding, sleeping, and discipline. Being on the same page before the baby arrives will save you so much stress.
Most new parents overlook this; make sure you don’t. Here’s a guide to the essential parenting priorities you’ll need to agree on.
Parenting is a journey you don’t have to figure out alone. Every conversation you have now brings you closer to a smoother, more intentional transition into parenthood.
I am so happy to have this community to write and share my research, thoughts, and dreams (and fails!) with all of you!
These life-changing conversations with your partner are all part of the Pre-Baby Talk. That’s why, when the baby comes, you’ll be ready and prepared for…
…all the love in the world.
Which of these conversations and topics do you think are the most important? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to pin this post so you’ll always have these topics handy!
This post showed you 11 Things You Need to Talk About Before Having a Baby.
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