This post shows you the 20 things people wish they had talked about before having a baby.
I wrote this article after talking to all the people I know who have kids and with my parents and their friends, so there’s some generational wisdom here as well. It makes it worthwhile checking it out.
1 Not Discussing Parenting Styles
Many parents assume they’ll figure things out as they go, but not being on the same page about discipline, education, and values can lead to major conflicts.
Talk about how you want to raise your child—gentle parenting or strict rules?
How are you going to handle tantrums?
You need to be a united front when it comes to parenting, and you need to work as a team.
Possible resentments: Older generations have issues with this because moms were usually the ones practicing gentle parenting, while dads were very strict. It’s not a good idea to play good cop or bad cop.
2 Overlooking Financial Planning
Raising a child is expensive, and not having a financial plan adds unnecessary stress.
Discuss budgeting, saving, and long-term costs like daycare, education, and medical expenses.
Will one parent stay home?
Do you need life insurance?
The earlier you align on financial expectations, the more secure and in control you will feel once the baby is here.
No one can figure this one out. Absolutely no one. Without a support system in this late-stage capitalism we’re living in, it’s very hard to save and plan. However, you need to talk about this.
Possible resentments: Some couples have issues where one of them doesn’t want to give up their lifestyle and hobbies, so definitely plan this before the baby comes.
3 Neglecting Relationship Maintenance
A baby changes everything—including your marriage. If you don’t make an effort, it’s easy to feel more like roommates than partners.
Talk about how you’ll stay connected, whether that’s planning date nights, having real conversations, or just making time for each other. Love doesn’t take care of itself—you have to put in the work.
Possible resentments: I’ve heard this from younger parents, where one parent (sorry, but it was usually the mom) didn’t want to share responsibilities with the baby and then suffered a huge burnout and started resenting her partner. Please don’t do this. Talk, work together, and act as a team.
4 Underestimating Lifestyle Changes
Your time, routines, and social life won’t look the same after a baby, and if you don’t expect that, it’s easy to feel frustrated.
Will you be okay with fewer nights out?
Can you handle shifting hobbies and personal time?
Life changes, but that doesn’t mean it won’t still be good, just different.
Possible resentments: This is true for all generations. People forget that they made a decision to have a baby willingly, so complaining and feeling frustrated that your life looks different now is not cool. Talk about this in advance and embrace the change as a positive thing.
No one should feel alone in this! Let’s talk about the Major Lifestyle Changes to Expect When You Have a Baby.
5 Not Establishing Support Systems
No one can do this alone, and many parents regret not setting up a solid support system.
Who will help when you’re exhausted?
Are family members involved, or should you consider a babysitter?
Parenthood is overwhelming, and having people you can lean on makes a huge difference.
Possible resentments: All generations struggle with this, but younger generations have more flexibility to create better support systems since we don’t have patriarchy like before (it doesn’t mean we still don’t have it…). Plan how you’re going to split baby duties and see if parents, in-laws, or friends can help.
6 Avoiding Conversations About Mental Health
Parenting is amazing, but it’s also exhausting—physically, mentally, and emotionally. A lot of parents deal with postpartum depression, anxiety, or just feeling completely overwhelmed, but they never actually talk about it.
Make space for real conversations about mental health, therapy, and how to support each other when things get tough.
Possible resentments: Not taking care of each other can be a huge problem. Talk about the baby blues and postpartum depression, and don’t just blame everything on hormones. Make a plan to address this before the baby comes. Print a list of ways to overcome postpartum depression and get professional help!
7 Failing to Set Boundaries with Extended Family
Grandparents and relatives often mean well, but if you don’t set boundaries early, things can get complicated fast.
Will they be involved in daily childcare? Are their parenting opinions going to clash with yours?
Talk about what feels comfortable, and make sure you’re on the same page before tensions arise.
Possible resentments: You won’t forgive your partner if their family secretly gives the baby a bottle, thinking you don’t have enough milk. And you won’t forget how your partner treats you when it comes to standing up to their family. Make sure you’re on the same page before the baby comes!
8 Not Aligning on Career Goals
A baby changes career priorities, and not discussing long-term goals can create friction.
Will one of you stay home?
How will parental leave work?
Does either of you want a career change?
If you don’t figure this out ahead of time, one partner might end up feeling trapped or unsupported.
Possible resentments: If you just assume that one career is more important than the other, you’re going to have a problem. Whatever you decide is fine as long as you both agree. You can take turns. Mom can take a break from work when the baby is little, and dad can take over when the child starts school.
9 Overlooking Religious or Cultural Practices
If you and your partner come from different religious or cultural backgrounds, decide early on how that will shape your child’s upbringing.
Will they follow certain traditions?
Attend religious services?
What values will you prioritize? Avoid conflicts later by aligning on what feels important to both of you now.
Possible resentments: It looks like my parents’ generation had more issues with this than Millennials and Gen Z, but this shouldn’t be a problem—there are ways to incorporate different traditions.
10 Neglecting to Discuss Childcare Plans
Childcare is a huge decision, and waiting until the last minute causes stress.
Will one parent stay home?
Do you prefer daycare, a nanny, or family help?
What’s the budget?
These choices impact finances and routines, so it’s best to figure them out before you’re sleep-deprived and overwhelmed.
Possible resentments: This can become a huge issue when it comes to finances, burnout, and lifestyle changes. Talk about the options now, and you’ll figure it out together!
11 Not Preparing for Medical Decisions
From vaccinations to pediatricians, medical choices start early.
Parents often regret not discussing preferences in advance, especially if they disagree.
Will you follow standard vaccination schedules?
How do you feel about medical interventions?
Sorting out these decisions before your baby arrives prevents panic when you have to make quick choices.
Possible resentments: This can make or break a partnership, so I really hope you’re on the same page here. If you need reassurance about something, talk to healthcare professionals and educate yourselves before the baby comes.
12 Avoiding Talks About Parenting Roles
Who’s getting up for night feedings?
Who’s changing diapers?
Who’s scheduling doctor’s appointments?
If you don’t figure this out ahead of time, it’s easy for one person to feel like they’re doing it all. Parenting is a team effort, and talking about responsibilities early helps keep things fair and frustration-free.
Possible resentments: It’s not fair if only one parent takes care of the baby. It’s a job for two people. If you don’t split and share responsibilities, you will burn out and have issues.
13 Not Considering Future Education Plans
Planning for school seems like something you don’t have to do right away, but some parents say that if they had known more about the schools in their area, they would have moved sooner or created a different financial plan.
You need to talk about private vs. public school, homeschooling, and saving or investing for a college fund. These decisions matter, and even if you don’t take action now, it’s important to know that you’re on the same page before you have a baby.
Possible resentments: If you don’t figure this out, one parent will feel like it’s their responsibility to get the kid through school, and that’s an incredible burden.
14 Overlooking the Importance of Flexibility
You can plan for a baby all you want, but the truth is that parenthood is unpredictable.
This is why it’s important to learn how to be flexible with your routines, sleep, work, and personal time.
If you’re both rigid about how things “should” be, frustration builds. Talk about how to stay flexible and adapt to whatever comes your way.
Possible resentments: Unless both parents put in the effort, marriage and relationships will suffer. Personal time is important for mental and physical well-being, and you need to support each other in having enough of it.
15 Neglecting to Discuss Screen Time and Technology Use
Screens will be part of your child’s life, but how much is okay?
Some parents wish they had set ground rules before habits formed. Talk about screen time, social media, and how much technology you want in your home. If you wait until it becomes an issue, it’s harder to change.
Possible resentments: There’s nothing worse for newer generations than having parents with opposite opinions on screen time. Figure it out and take accountability!
16 Not Planning for Special Needs
No one expects to have a child with special needs, but it’s always a possibility. Parents sometimes regret not preparing emotionally and financially for what that might look like. Having an open conversation about potential challenges can make facing the unexpected a little easier.
Possible resentments: It’s very hard to write about this… all I’ll say is that you need to support and love each other, stay strong, and believe in yourselves.
17 Avoiding Conversations About Discipline Methods
Time-outs? Gentle parenting? Consequences?
If you and your partner aren’t on the same page about discipline, it can create big problems later.
Talk about how you’ll handle tantrums and misbehavior and set limits before you’re in the middle of an overwhelming situation.
Possible resentments: I’ve learned from Baby Boomers that the worst thing here is that the kid suffers when parents aren’t on the same page about discipline and parenting.
18 Not Setting Expectations for Socialization
Do you want your child to be social, involved in activities, or follow a slower, more home-based lifestyle?
Parents often regret not discussing how they’ll handle playdates, extracurriculars, and friendships. Having an idea of what you both expect makes social decisions easier down the road.
Possible resentments: One of you might be an extrovert and the other an introvert, and that’s totally fine, but you need to plan this. Kids need you to be social, so you have to think ahead.
19 Overlooking the Impact on Personal Identity
Becoming a parent changes everything, including how you see yourself. Many parents regret not discussing how to maintain their sense of identity.
How will you make time for hobbies? Friendships? Alone time?
You’re still you, even when you’re “Mom” or “Dad.” Don’t lose yourself in the process.
Possible resentments: First of all, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re less of a parent if you want to retain your personal identity. Someone will profit off your insecurities and guilt. Now that that’s sorted, support each other in staying the same people while enjoying a new chapter in your lives.
20 Neglecting to Discuss Long-Term Family Goals
Do you want more kids?
Are you planning to move?
What kind of family life do you picture in the long term?
Many parents regret not having these talks before their first baby arrives. It’s easier to make big decisions when you’ve already discussed the future instead of figuring it out on the fly.
Possible resentments: If you want more kids, dream of a different life, or simply want change, you need to be on the same page. Talk about your future and take small steps toward making your dreams come true.
Talking about these issues and preventing possible regrets is all part of the Pre-Baby Talk. That’s why, when the baby comes, you’ll be ready and prepared for…
…all the love in the world.
Which of these things do you wish you had talked about? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to pin this post so you’ll always have these tips handy!
This post showed you the 20 Things I Wish We Talked About Before Having a Baby.
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