This post shows you the 40 Questions to Ask Your Husband Before Having a Baby.
Having a baby will change your life forever. I don’t know of any single life event that changes you as much as having a baby does. In this process, moms go through incredible physical and mental challenges, but in this post, I really wanted to focus on dads.
What happens in their minds? How do they feel about having a baby? I have been talking about this with my husband for the last 10 years, and honestly, this experience wouldn’t be complete without his input.
These questions are taken from my notes, but some of them came directly from my husband. For some, I talked about older parents and baby boomers, and for others, I drew from parenting books and books on philosophy!
These 40 deep, meaningful questions will help you understand your husband’s thoughts on fatherhood, finances, career, emotions, and how your relationship will evolve when you become parents.
His Feelings About Fatherhood
- 1 How do you think your relationship with your father will impact how you parent?
- 2 What are you most excited about when it comes to being a dad?
- 3 What scares you the most about fatherhood?
- 4 What kind of dad do you want to be?
- 5 What do you wish your dad had done differently?
Many men don’t start thinking about fatherhood until their baby is born, which is odd since women think about motherhood from the time they’re little.
Even if they don’t feel like being a mom is part of their journey (which is absolutely normal and nothing out of the ordinary), there’s huge pressure from society.
So, men have deep-rooted expectations about fatherhood, shaped by their own upbringing. That’s why it’s helpful to ask him how he feels about fatherhood!
- 6 Do you feel pressured to provide financially, and does that stress you out?
- 7 How do you think having a baby will change our financial priorities?
- 8 What are your thoughts on me working or staying home after the baby comes?
- 9 How do you feel about budgeting for things like daycare, education, and medical expenses?
- 10 What kind of financial habits do you think we should start before having a baby?
Unfortunately, I’ve learned that some men feel like they’re failing if they don’t provide financially for the whole family.
However, in this economy, it’s absolutely normal for both men and women to contribute, so have these conversations to see how he feels.
Parenting & Raising Kids
Every parent brings their own childhood experiences into how they raise their kids. Some men want to replicate their upbringing, while others want to do things differently. These questions help you align on values, discipline, and parenting styles.
- 11 What values are most important to you when raising a child?
- 12 How do you feel about discipline—what’s too strict and what’s too lenient?
- 13 What’s the most important lesson you want to teach our child?
- 14 How do you feel about gender roles when raising a son versus a daughter?
- 15 What childhood memories make you want to parent differently?
Marriage & Relationship Changes
- 16 How do you think our relationship will change after the baby comes?
- 17 What are your biggest fears about balancing marriage and parenthood?
- 18 How do you think we should handle intimacy during pregnancy and after the baby?
- 19 How do you feel about splitting parenting responsibilities?
- 20 What’s one thing you hope we never stop doing as a couple, even after having kids?
A baby doesn’t just change your life—it completely shifts your marriage.
Men often regret not talking about how they’ll stay connected once they’re deep in diapers and sleepless nights.
These questions will help protect your relationship through all the changes.
Career, Identity & Masculinity
A lot of men feel conflicted between career success and being present as a dad.
Society pressures them to be “providers,” but modern fatherhood is different.
These questions dive into how your husband wants to balance work, family, and his sense of self.
- 21 Do you ever feel like fatherhood will compete with your career goals?
- 22 What does being a “successful man” mean to you, and do you think that will change when you become a dad?
- 23 Do you think society puts too much pressure on men to be providers? How does that affect you?
- 24 Do you think men feel emasculated when they take on more caregiving roles, and why?
- 25 How can you make sure you still feel like an individual, not just a dad, after we have kids?
Mental & Emotional Preparation
- 26 What do you think is going to be the hardest part about having a baby?
- 27 How do you want to handle disagreements about parenting decisions?
- 28 What do you need from me emotionally when you’re feeling overwhelmed as a dad?
- 29 How can we support each other if one of us struggles with postpartum depression or anxiety?
- 30 What do you think men struggle with the most when it comes to fatherhood?
Ask your husband how he feels about handling stress and dealing with the hard days of raising a baby.
Political & Economic Views
The world is changing, and raising a child today isn’t the same as it was for past generations. These questions help you talk about big-picture issues that could affect your family’s future.
- 31 Do you think our current economic situation makes it harder to raise kids than it was for past generations?
- 32 What do you think is the biggest financial challenge of raising a child in today’s world?
- 33 How do you feel about the role of government in supporting families—things like paid parental leave, childcare support, or healthcare?
- 34 Do you feel like our generation has enough work-life balance to be good parents, or is the system broken?
- 35 What political or social issues do you think will have the biggest impact on our child’s future?
You probably talk about this all the time, so if it feels redundant, feel free to skip it. I’ve learned that sometimes, when we watch the news, my dad (who’s 70 years old) has insights that my husband and I don’t. So, it’s worth talking to your husband about this and seeing how his dad felt about political and economic views then versus now.
Understanding Postpartum & Supporting Me
- 36 What do you know about postpartum recovery, and is there anything you’d like to learn more about?
- 37 How do you plan to support me emotionally in the weeks and months after birth?
- 38 Do you understand that postpartum recovery is both physical and mental? What can we do to make it easier?
- 39 How will you handle it if I struggle with my self-esteem, body image, or mood swings after giving birth?
- 40 If I experience postpartum depression or anxiety, what do you think we should do as a couple to get through it?
Many men don’t realize that postpartum recovery is more than just a physical process. It affects emotions, self-esteem, and the entire household. These questions help your husband understand what postpartum recovery really looks like and how he can support you.
These questions are all part of the Pre-Baby Talk. That’s why, when the baby comes, you’ll be ready and prepared for…
…all the love in the world.
Which of these questions do you think is the most important? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to pin this post so you’ll always have these questions handy!
This post showed you 40 Questions to Ask Your Husband Before Having a Baby.
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