This post shows you the 17 Outdated Gender Roles in Parenting & A Better Way Forward.
For a long time, parenting roles were pretty straightforward. Dads made the money, and moms took care of the kids. Things have changed, but somehow, these old-school expectations still pop up in modern parenting.
This blog post is not about criticizing Dads! It’s about understanding them.
Full disclosure: My husband helped me write this post, and we gathered together these 17 outdated gender roles in parenting!
A lot of couples don’t even realize they’re slipping into traditional roles. Mom ends up doing most of the caregiving while Dad steps back, thinking that’s just how it goes.
But here’s the thing: These outdated roles don’t just impact parents. They shape how kids see the world. When kids grow up watching one parent do all the nurturing and the other stay more distant, they start to believe that’s just the way things are supposed to be.
It affects their social development, emotional intelligence, and ideas about equality before they even know what those words mean.
If we want to raise kids who see both parents as equals, who grow up knowing that parenting is a team effort, we have to be intentional about breaking these habits.
That’s why it’s so important to talk about gender roles before the baby arrives. It’s not just about who works and who stays home. It’s about both parents showing up, physically and emotionally, every single day.
So, let’s go through some of the most outdated gender roles in parenting and talk about how to make things more balanced.
1 Mom Does All the Feeding, Changing, and Bathing
- What to do instead: Feeding might naturally fall on the mom if she’s breastfeeding, but diaper changes and bath time don’t have to.
Try this: Mom handles the feeding, Dad changes the diapers, and you bathe the baby together. This keeps both parents engaged and turns bath time into a shared bonding moment.
2 Mom Takes on Tummy Time, Exercise, and Development Activities
What to do instead: Babies need movement and interaction for healthy development. Dads are great with coordination and physical play, which releases feel-good hormones for both the baby and the dad.
Let Dad take over tummy time and play sessions while Mom gets a break or preps a meal.
You don’t have to split these all the time, but it’s good that the two of you work on development activities together. Gender roles aside, with this activity, you will both help your baby develop and contribute to their development.
3 Mom Stays up at Night While Dad Sleeps
- What to do instead: Yes, if Mom is breastfeeding, some nighttime duties will fall on her, but sleep deprivation shouldn’t be one-sided.
Take shifts: maybe Dad handles early morning wake-ups so Mom can sleep in a little. If bottle-feeding is in the mix, share nighttime feedings when possible.
As soon as the baby gains back the weight and you get the green light from your doctor, you can stop with the 2-3 hour feedings and sleep in longer stretches during the night.
4 Dad Goes Back to Work While Mom Figures Everything Out Alone
- What to do instead: Even if Dad returns to work quickly, that doesn’t mean Mom should carry the full weight of baby care.
Find ways for Dad to be involved daily: whether it’s taking over an evening routine, handling baby’s first morning wake-up, or just giving Mom a break when he’s home.
You also need to split all the house chores and plan weekends so the Dad can do the majority of the big cleaning (detailed vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning the bathroom).
5 Mom Is in Charge of Packing the Diaper Bag and Remembering Everything
- What to do instead: This one is subtle but so common. Moms often become the default parent, the one who always remembers to pack snacks, diapers, and extra clothes.
Instead, split the responsibility. Let Dad take charge of the diaper bag before outings or track appointments and supply restocks.
You will forget things, and that’s okay. But Dad needs to know what the baby needs without consulting Mom! You both need to be able to have a peek into the diaper bag and figure out what’s missing. And no mention that both parents need to know where you keep the diapers, where the baby stuff is, and everything else.
This is what splitting gender roles in parenting really looks like: when you share the mental efforts and not just split chores.
6 Mom Does All the Emotional Labor
- What to do instead: Emotional labor isn’t just about remembering details. It’s about the mental weight of planning, worrying, and organizing.
Dads can (and should) be equally involved in decision-making, scheduling, and problem-solving so that the mental load is shared.
7 Dad “Babysits” While Mom Runs Errands
- What to do instead: Dads aren’t babysitters, they’re parents. Reframe the mindset so that both partners feel equally responsible for parenting.
If Mom needs time away, Dad isn’t “helping”. He’s just being a parent, no different than when Mom is with the baby.
(Fun fact: my husband wrote this #7 🙂 I can’t stress how important it is for a woman to feel supported here, to change the narrative together, and to fight patriarchy by describing the male role as parenting and not as “helping”).
8 Mom Takes the Baby to All Doctor’s Appointments
- What to do instead: Doctor visits shouldn’t be a one-parent responsibility.
Try alternating appointments or going together when possible. Even if one parent can’t attend, they should stay involved by reading updates and asking questions.
Both of you need to know your doctor, their name, your nurse, how to take the baby to the doctor, and how to schedule and keep up with the appointments.
9 Mom Manages Feeding Schedules, Weight Tracking, and Vaccinations
- What to do instead: The mental load of tracking feeds, weight gain, vaccinations, and milestones often falls on moms.
Instead, use a shared app or planner where both parents can stay on top of the baby’s progress.
This can be as simple as tracking things in Google Sheets (this is what we do), and then you won’t need to download or pay for any fancy apps.
10 Mom Is Responsible for All the Baby Shopping
- What to do instead: From diapers to strollers to clothes, shopping for the baby should be a shared task.
If one parent enjoys researching, the other can handle purchases or logistics like pickups and returns.
You can also put this into a spreadsheet, and this way, you can also keep track of the budget and stock up on items that you may need in the middle of the night.
11 Mom Takes Care of All Socializing and Playdates
- What to do instead: Connecting with other parents and setting up playdates shouldn’t be only Mom’s job.
Dads should be just as involved in building a social circle for the baby and keeping in touch with family and friends.
So if this is something that your partner didn’t do, try to share this responsibility with him. He can also add everyone’s birthdays to a calendar and be the one to remember the important dates.
Whatever works for you, really, but make sure that both of you stay in touch with friends and your baby’s friends, too.
12 Mom Prepares All the Meals While Dad Plays With the Baby
- What to do instead: Meal prep is exhausting, and balancing it with baby care makes it even harder.
Try meal prepping together or switching off; one cooks while the other watches the baby.
Bonus: Let Dad be in charge of making baby food when the time comes! Since baby food has very few ingredients and there are no seasonings or experimenting, even if your partner has never cooked in his life, he can definitely take over!
13 Mom Is the Go-to for Soothing and Bedtime
- What to do instead: If Mom is the only one comforting the baby, she’ll never get a break.
Dads need to be just as involved in rocking, singing, and bedtime routines so the baby doesn’t rely only on one parent.
Skin-to-skin, carrying the baby, contact naps, this is all important to share with each other!
14 Dad Takes Over Discipline While Mom Handles Emotional Support
- What to do instead: This often happens as kids grow, where moms become the emotional anchor and dads the disciplinarians. This is damaging in so many ways!
First, it’s damaging to the child, as you need to be a united front and a source of authority. You can’t play good cop, bad cop.
Secondly, it’s damaging to the Mom, as she will have to take care of emotions and possible disappointment, as the child will start looking at Dad as a party pooper, so there can be some resentment.
Instead, both parents should offer guidance, comfort, and structure so kids see them as equally supportive.
15 Mom Reads Books and Sings Songs While Dad Plays Rough
- What to do instead: Dads should also do the cuddly, quiet moments, and moms should have fun, active playtime too.
Kids thrive when both parents engage in all aspects of bonding.
Personally, I love playing catch, running, being active, and playing, so I don’t see why Dads should be in charge of adventures. I also like how my husband reads, and I want our baby to enjoy reading with both of us.
16 Mom Handles All School-Related Tasks and Activities
- What to do instead: From daycare drop-offs to homework help, school involvement should be a shared effort.
Dads can sign permission slips, attend meetings, and help plan educational activities, too.
17 Mom Manages All Family Traditions and Holiday Planning
- What to do instead: Whether it’s decorating, buying gifts, or planning celebrations, these should be joint efforts.
Let Dad take charge of a tradition or holiday prep to make it more balanced. Maybe he can take over the guest list, gift shopping, and cleaning.
There are so many ways to split the work, responsibilities, and love, I bet you’re gonna find what works for you!
Discussing gender roles in parenting is an important part of the Pre-Baby Talk. That’s why, when the baby comes, you’ll be ready and prepared for…
…all the love in the world.
Which of these roles do you think is the most important? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to pin this post so you’ll always have these topics and tips handy!
This post showed you the Outdated Gender Roles in Parenting & A Better Way Forward.
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